Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Day Fourteen-teen - The Yellow Fridge

I wish people wouldn't use my driveway to turn their cars around. I always think I have a surprise visit (possibly from Johnny Depp or Jared Leto... oooh or Dawn French or the not so recently deceased Dudley Moore. I am expecting a lot of surprise visits) Soon I shall have a fine over sized gate preventing three point turns and such. Although I did notice, two days ago, that someone had FINALLY stolen the broken fridge from my driveway. It's been sat there for 7 months, and in that time I have had my driveway block paved. Even the builder wasn't kind enough to skulk off with the broken down yellow fridge.

I had loved that fridge. It looked cool in my kitchen, Sadly it was not cool. It was broken from the day I got it. The old fridge donated by a couple who ran the bowling green which had been shut down by the council. The council were now demanding an extra grand a month off them. They had kept it going for 18 years. For those 18 years they had done the place up and kept the plague of drug users out, merely by using hard core perspex rather then glass so they could not break the windows, and many spikes so they could not get to the roof and windows. I am telling you, this place would be ideal for a zombie attack! Since they were forced to leave, the drug dealers had gone in. The spikes snapped off with determination and the perspex snapped. Their bowling trophy cupboard smashed and the kitchen door pointlessly ripped off. They were mortified by the council's actions. The woman was near enough in tears and her husband, his war medals jangling on his proud chest, was shaking his stick at the broken windows. They gave me their tiny under the counter fridge which had been painted a dirty mustard yellow in emulsion. At first I found it a little revolting, but was appreciative of the good faith as I had given Eyebrows the fridge freezer in the divorce. So was glad to have chilly food again.

It did not suit my new kitchen. But I fell in love with it immediately. It never worked though, that poor old ugly yellow fridge. It sat in my kitchen for 6 weeks not working but my affection for it grew. Eventually my kind friend gave me his old fridge so the dingey yellow fridge that stole my heart moved to the front driveway with the hope of being stolen (interesting fact: ANYTHING left out the front of my house will be stolen within three days.... apart from the yellow fridge)

The fridge then basked in the sunshine on my front driveway, with no one taking it. All sorts of gubbins did it's stint on my front driveway. Old tables, broken fans, recently rained on electrical appliances, bags of material etc... they all went within three days, but the yellow fridge was not taken. It became like the slightly over sized puppy with one eye significantly larger then the other at the pet shop. I had started to forget about the yellow fridge but then last month my new driveway was done. You see before I had the radiant block paving I had disgruntled concrete. The fridge also had friends on the driveway. Eyebrow's smashed up Peugeot 306 named Claudia and my neighbour's broken down Little Rascal van (which I'd always secretly wanted to own and have it permanently filled to the brim with little sandwiches, so that every time I opened the sliding door, millions of little sandwiches would spill onto the road and I'd try and stop them in a comedic fashion until I was buried in a pile of sandwiches. I do have very animated day dreams.) Claudia had been in an accident in 2006 and had been on my driveway as Eyebrow's had kept her for "spare parts". "Spare parts" translated means, large broken car pissing me off every time I saw it, making my house looking like a pikey's abode, and not being moved.

After Claudia and The Little Rascal were removed by force the yellow fridge became more apparent. But still no one took it. After my driveway was done the yellow fridge was parked neatly behind the newly planted apple blossom tree (Sheldon Brown) and it looked very sad. Eyebrow's made a proud announcement that he would take it to the tip for me... which was all it was, an announcement. As I had discovered from Claudia's three year stint on my front drive, things don't get moved when requested.

But on Sunday when my hairy friend dropped me home the yellow fridge was gone. There was a square shape in the gravel where it had sat, and I did feel a little sad. Mainly as I did not know where it had gone. The rag bone man had already vocalized his distaste for it and said he would remove it if I gave him £50 for it. So where had it gone. Where is it now? Is it on a farm with other fridges? Is it a new home for a small dog? Has it been taken in by an old microwave and a toaster that wont toast for some strange menage et trois? I shall never know. That does sadden me.

My good deed for today was holding the door open to about 16 people, non of them said thank you. Someone just turned around in my driveway again. Cock teasing bastards.

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