Tuesday, 23 March 2010

Follow me some more...

Just thought I would send you all a final blog with details of my new blog which is all about me, my friends and family and, of course, my photographs. So please follow me for a little bit longer.

Here is the first picture of me on here! This is me; very drunk after thieving a hat from a stranger taken by Wifey. Accidentally Zoro esq.

Thursday, 11 March 2010

Day Ninety Nine & A Hundred - 100 day come down

Last two days *queue Sinatra's 'My Way'* there are not huge good deeds...

  • Wednesday - Feeling ever so glib about missing the 100 days exhibit I arranged to see Wifey who was equally out of sorts. Both of us being completely indecisive and flappy we randomly decided that a spontaneous bout of bowling would do the trick. After pre warning each other that we were both massively shit at the sport, we both surprised each other by playing quite well. We deduced that together we were good so perhaps we should start a league. So today's good deed was cheering up Wifey and blessing the world with a new, very small, bowling league.

  • Thursday - The last day. The last good deed. Looking after Geoff for Mum again. Particularly bad today, the worst I have seen in a long time. Poor Mum crying and Geoff asking if we can let him kill himself. I am sure he'll be alright by next week, but I wish I could do more for my lovely Mother. Possibly the most incredible woman who ever did exist.
So my last photo I leave you with is of my Mother. Leading Geoff down the old temporary ramp pissing her self with laughter as she had armed him with her umbrella hat, a broom and some scissors to protect him from the rain and foliage. I love this photo.

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Days Ninety Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven & Eight - big catch up, sulking that I can't make the exhibit :(

Sorry everyone, a mixture of being busy and sulking has left me behind right up til the end...

  • Thursday - Short day at Uni. Handed in the card for Mo as my good deed, poor Mo. We all met in the library and came to the conclusion that non of us had done any research for our debate and that we were basically screwed. Eliza then picked me up so that we could meet the electrician then laze around in the garden basking in the sunshine and the imagery of how it will look when it's done.... sigh.
  • Friday - A good day at Uni-tard, although I struggle muchly with one of the women in my study skills class I was very refined. Elisha and I swooped round the Uni bar asking people to fill out questionnaire's and be filmed whilst we ask them questions. My good deed for the day... Scatter knowledge of STD's to the students of Derby. It amazes me how little people know about STD's and the contraception that is out there. 95% of them said they could never talk to their parents about it, how very sad. My parents gave me detailed information whether I wanted it or not. It stuck though, clean as a whistle - always used a condom!
  • Saturday - hiked to work feeling a little grogsome after a nights heavy drinking with Wifey and Lobster at their work do pretending to be a member of staff. Work was good, I do like it there. My good deed, helping a woman who wanted all her work framing wanting guidence and confidence. She used to paint and draw all the time then something awful happened and she just stopped. In the last year she started again and it's made her feel better, she thought it very good that I was training to be an art therapist as she felt it was the best medicine for her. Her confidence was obviously very tender - but her work was incredible. Homeward bound after work where I spent my time horizontal on the sofa feeling smug about the size of my telly and the reducing size of my arse.
  • Sunday - Due to the beautiful weather today I cleared the studio and garden. It was so nice with the sun blazing and Radio 4 purring gently out of my little wind up radio, summer is coming, I can feel it in all that water i'm retaining. My good deed was get my friends a job doing my garden, my landy lord was going to ask someone he knew but I pursuaded him to let me use my friends. It's partially shelfish as I prefer to have people I know scrunting about in my garden.
  • Monday - Woke up massively early today. Decided i'd head in early to Uni tard, which was very handy as I had forgotten that I had a meeting about my degree. My good deed is deferring my degree for a year, so that I can help Mum more. I can earn more money to help pay for respite care for Geoff so Mum can have time alone in the house, and as I won't have Uni I can go to hers more often and care for him so maybe she can go swimming again, or just sleep.
  • Tuesday - Beautiful day; mooched into town to meet Aimee and the little Potato. My good deed for the day is a free photo shoot for her of the beautiful potato. She's exhausted and really enjoyed the time with him. My photo for today is of them.

Wednesday, 3 March 2010

Day Ninety, Ninety One and Ninety Two - Due to power failure at home I'm stealing tintyweb

I was really getting into the swing of writing these on time and then all my electrics went poof so I had no tinty web... woe is me. Here are my days:
  • Monday - Long day at Unitard, generally enjoyed it aside from the shrill girl in psychology who is only 19 and you can tell was the head bully at school. I hurried homo as my Tall friend and I had jolly plans for the eventide so I wanted to hose myself down in the garden and swing the cats around by their tails. When I got home I noticed the trip switch had gone and every time I tried to turn it on it went again. After using all my man brain I could muster I deduced it was the old wiring which was setting it off (only my kitchen has been rewired, one wall of my kitchen has more plugs then the rest of the entire house) so felt very grumbly and sorry for myself as this meant no TV, phone or tinty web :( I then felt very glad that I was going out. My Tall friend picked me up and we headed to Quode where we threw food at ourselves (and got to see Wifey, always a tummy squeezing pleasure) and by chance bumping into Pinty! Who arrived with a tall serious gentleman, not entirely sure what he had made of us as we were proudly showing some art of a quizzical French gent we had mastered out of the remnants of our dinner. We then watched the film; Micmacs, made by Jeunet - one of my favourite directors ever (proud creater of both Amelie and Delicatessen) Absolutely LOVED it. Set in a junk yard where they live and invent stuff which was my dream as a child. I grinned throughout. My tall friend dropped me hope and the cats and I looked at each other sadly. Shortly after there was a knock at the door and My Tall Friends face was smurched against the mottled glass, feeling sorry for me in my cold dark house he'd returned to bring me back to his so I could get a warm nights sleep. After drinking some fine wine and rolling around on the floor with Minky I nosed dived into Lettuce's bed (taking full advantage in her abcsence) I am lucky with my mates.... Oh yes, my good deed. I gave directions to some new lost souls at Unitard, I sense I look the least scary out of everyone there, mainly as I look like that weird creature who lives in the junk yard at the end of Labrynth.
  • Tuesday- Woke at My Tall Friends and scootched downstair for a cup of tea with Minky and a quick eel mail check before throwing tes at my Tall Friend before he took me home. After much sadness and a cluster of small strops in the kitchen about not having internet I decided to take it out on the garden which had been massively neglected since I left Eyebrows. I had always done the gardening but when I had to leave for a month it got out of hand and he'd accidently broken the strimmer. I got loads done though. My good deed was ringing round many, many electricians to try and find the cheapest option for my landlord. People say I should just leave him to it no matter how much it costs, but I have a fantastic landlord and I have lived here for nine years, I think he definitely deserves a good deed, he's a bloody good chap. Looks like the whole house will need re-wiring, bar the kitchen. I discovered that if I dragged an extension through from the kitchen I could get the tintyweb back so I could fall asleep to 4od, so it ain't that bad really.                Here's the garden, believe it or not; this is after I had been working on it for 4 hours.. pity you wont get to see the finished product, 100 days are nearly up :(
  •  Wednesday - Woke up feeling more comfortable then I had in ages. Due to me having an un scheduled night away all of the cats slept on top of me last night and it was actually one of the best nights sleeps i'd had in a long time, perhaps it's their purring. I got up and tidied up all the kitchen as it was covered in garden from the previous days thrashing about outdoors. I strode off to Uni tard and bounded up to Sam and Lee with my coffee and copy of the Independant and we all sat together being old and repugnant until we hunkered up to Literature. We discovered that poor old Mo's husband had died yesterday, as you may remember she used to talk to me about him when it got too much. We don't know when she'll be back in again, so I made her a card which  I'm going to put in her office in the morning, poor Mo. After that we had Maths which was, as ever, brilliant fun. With just the four of us including Professor Wheeto. After which Berty kindly picked me up as she's off work. We loitered around the Shire as Geoff was seeing a therapist for the first time then we headed to Mum's. My good deed, helping Mum again by sorting the house, cleaning, cooking and looking after Geoff. Wish I lived closer, I really enjoy it and spending time with my idiosyncratic and utterly amazing Mother is one of my favourite things in the world. All good at Mum's, Geoff's got a new bedroom and bathroom, it's well swanky, and a new wheel chair, I did point out it was a little Stephen Hawkings esq but letting Mum and I on it with the glitter glue and neon boob lights and bob's your uncle (fanny's your aunt)                   Found an old photo of Geoff in the 80's, I'm the toothless beauty perched on his shoulder. He has always sported that 70's hair cut, even now. His hair dresser did threaten something more modern when he came to do his hair in hospital pointing out he couldn't escape, but he didn't... I would've


Sunday, 28 February 2010

Day Eighty Nine - Sorry, helping out a friend again...

Last night I was chatting to an old friend, Dannii, who sounded massively depressed. I felt awful as we used to talk every day but in the last 6 months both of us have been massively busy. The thing is, where I have been more of a sociable bird he's always been a bit of a loner. Strange really, he's one of the kindest people you could know; once he lets his guard down, but you do have to chip away at him for a good year. Because of this he doesn't talk to many people and I felt awful that I hadn't thought more about how he was and made more of an effort.

I was woken this morning (my only day I can lie in) by a text message at 8am. After swearing and flinging cats about and generally acting like I was having a drunken brawl with an invisible goose I discovered my phone. A text from Dannii. Just wanting to know if I was free today. I decided to try and get that extra hour of sleep and then I text him after. This was the day I had been looking forward to for quite some time:

A planned day alone. This differs from the accidental day alone as you always feel a little flouncy and spend a lot of the day exhaling through your teeth and swinging your arms. Planned days alone are brilliant, usually occur after being very busy and when you have done all the jobs you wanted to get done. Casual, calling people to chat for hours, reading The Independant on Sunday, walking around Sainsbury's long enough to do a fantasy shop then put all the stuff back again (when you rush the shop, you buy the fantasy stuff) watch a foreign film and, in my case today, sort out your packed lunch for Uni all week making it interesting and healthy so you don't get bored and slide under the sneeze guard at Upper Crust hoovering up the baguettes. Ahhhhhh...

I decided to simply say 'Yes' to Dannii. Made sure the house was extra clean as he was one of those ludicrously tidy people. His old house with his ex boyfriend always looked like Ikea; they even used to fan their magazines! I'd perch on their sofa PETRIFIED I'd spill something on their beige furniture, and the flat would always be boiling. I remember one summer they had the heating on the whole night and I spent the majority of that night lying on the floor of their metal balcony sizzling like bacon... I digress...

I made sure the house was clean and I even put the heating on. Usually I scrunt about the house wearing everything I own getting wedged in doorways and struggling to tie my shoes. Not today! Sadly after all my effort he text to cancel. I tried to call him, then had a chat with him via text trying to get to the route of his blues. I shall hopefully see him over the next few weeks, we are both free at inconvenient times, we'll snort it next time.

It was no loss though as I got plenty of cleaning done and let an old friend know I was still here for him. I shall now drink a glass of wine and watch True Blood on a 50 inch screen, ooh yeah.

Some snow melting for you all. This was when I fell off one step and tore the ligaments in my left foot and right knee so staggered about my Dad's house like Egor. I couldn't go out and play in the snow so felt very sorry for myself a little then made Ultimate pies in the Aga and took photos through the windows.

Saturday, 27 February 2010

Day Eighty Eight - Aiding more friends

I am aware that a lot of my good deeds have been for my friends or family, I assure you this isn't a cop out, I just have a very good friend and family network so we're always leaping to each others aid.

Had a very early night last night so once I had woken and eaten last nights dinner for breakfast I launched into town through the rain and trying to slalom between inconsiderate bastards and 8am drunks. I had to make a mad dash to the Book Cafe for an emergency latrine stop then felt obliged to buy a book. I ended up buy a de stressing book for Geoff and a book for me, a photography book. I didn't really look at it until my lunch break and actually loved it, facinating; I was hunkered in the corner amongst the photograph mounts 'oooohing' over the history of our late great monarch Ol' Victoria and getting my nose right into the bizare shots of Hitler. God I love History and photographs. An absolute corker of Marylin Munroe a few weeks before she died, I was a right squarking mess!

Bean was a little stressed about snorting a present for our friend Johnny, so I offered to take the stress from her and snort it out for her. Got an hilarious photo pf the pair of them at a fancy dress shindig years ago and framed, mounted and glazed it for her, and got it at a tasty discount to. So that was my first deed, and The Bean was very happy with that.

Second good deed was meeting Bear for a drink. She really needed a friend so I did my up most to support her. After which I hunkered home in the rain. Now I sit here with a lovely glass of chilled wine feeling genuinely giddy about having an evening alone. Made the un wise choice of watching 'Embarrassing Bodies' first so am now going to watch a small wadge of 'Qi' before moving onto some sexy 'True Blood' to get the visuals of a very hairy gents piles loitering with his prolapsing anal passage. Yum.

Here is a photo of Dovedale I took last summer from within the toilets looking out. I chose this as I was with my a fore mentioned friend Bean when I took this (well I was waiting for her whilst she was thrashing about in the toilet cubicle)

Friday, 26 February 2010

Day Eighty Two, Three, Four, Five, Six and Seven - Another cluster for you all

Sorry again, Very busy week this week as my old friend came to stay so didn't get a chance to sit down to Atticus. So I shall do some speed blogging:

  • Sunday - A deed for me again. This was not in a selfish half arsed fashion; I just decided to spend the day snorting out the whole house and finally doing the hardcore cat poo sweep. Almost gassed myself with the excess of bleach in the small gaps betwixt the telly and wall and the sofa and the fire place. Poo free house though, and it smells nice.
  • Monday - Introduced my good friends to one another. Baby Bear came to stay, winging her way all the way from her pub in Norfolk so my Tall Friend popped over to meet her. I decided that we should all mooch to the local for a drink or two before heading back to mine for home cooked steak and more wine. Seven bottles of wine later; both my friends shivering under blankets and laughing I felt I'd been successful.
  • Tuesday - Introduced more good friends. Feeling a little hungover, Baby Bear and I slunk into town and met Wifey and Lobster for a hot chocolate (well, they had a hot chocolate and we drank lots of water) we then went for lunch then pottered about town where Baby Bear could try various drinks possible for selling in her pub.
  • Wednesday - Waved off old friend. Baby Bear was very blue to be going home. I sat with her trying to cheer her up at the train station then waved her off in a Sound Of Music esq exit before cantering home through the dimming Derby skies.
  • Thursday - Made time for a date with another old friend. Brown Bunny had requested an evening out with me months ago and we had set a date for this very day. I dyed her hair first as she was aware of her gray hairs emerging. Then I styled it, cooked her some nice foods before we strode off into the night through scary Normanton to the pub. We had a nice time boozing and saw many, many excrement's of human behavior were staggering about shrieking, showing their under pants and threatening you with booze breath.
  • Friday - Introduced Tall Friend to my studio. Got up and had a bit of a tidy before being picked up by my Tall friend for a bolshy game of badminton. Shared the courts with a small group of eldery people playing boules. Must have been rather strange for them to witness a 8 foot laughing man pelting a 5 foot pair of boobs with many shuttle cocks; bringing the standard of the place down evidently. We then nipped home for a shower and general scrape down before heading to the studio. My Tall Friend sniffed round all the lights and licked the trigger before spraying his scent and booking it for a fortnights time. Glad I was able to help. Early night tonight. Have got to get up early to head to the studio in't early hours. Pfffft.
 One of my Dad's Cockerel's giving me a menacing stair, I took this through the safety of the glass in the utility room door...

Sunday, 21 February 2010

Day Eighty and Eighty One - Red and Black striped socks.

Two days in one, been so busy recently. So; Friday... Took photos of Wifey. I have got an extra job working in a art gallery/ framers and photographers and have been told I now have free reign of the photography studio and equipment - huzzah! So I kitted out Wifey in some interesting attire and flailed around in with my camera for an hour - back again next week. After that I went out drinking with some old school friend with the full intention of going to bed early so that I could be chirpy for my first day at work... I ended up hammered on gin singing show tunes at 3:30am... oooh dear.

One of the beauty's from the photo shooty with Wifey:

After waking at my friend's on the Saturday and realising that I had to be in town for my first day of work for 10, so I skulked home and scraped the thick layer of gin off my tongue and set fire to my hair in an attempt to stop myself smelling of booze and musicals. I made it in early and really enjoyed it. New boss liked the cut of my jib and also my style of photography so photo shoots a go go (anyone let me know if you want me to photo you in some random attire with strange props) I then stopped in the pube on the way home to say happy birthday to Jo Girl before heading to Wifey's to watch cartoons. My good deed was to buy Wifey her favourite drink, a glass bottle of ginger beer (and a bottle of wine) We fell asleep waiting for Lobster to come home so that I could go home. He was very late; On the bumper cars with Billy Bragg would you believe? I just informed him there was no longer room for him in the Lobster pot as I shuffled out the door still snoozing.

Woke this morning to a spontaneous 5 inches of snow.

Thursday, 18 February 2010

Day Seventy Five, Six, Seven, Eight and Nine - Catch up again, sorry chaps

Been thoroughly distracted by shiney objects this week so am doing a summary again.

  • Sunday - I tried with all my might to help my best friend, Baby Bear, get her tickets snorted for her to come home in time for Shrovetide. After many hours of stress and calling everyone to try and get it sorted... it failed. Made me sad. Made Baby Bear sad. *sigh*
  • Monday - Aided Tall friend in moving his things back to his house. We had to go to a very scary storage building which I was convinced was full of T-Rex's. Tall friend informed me that it was, in fact, the only reason he had asked for my help so that he could lure me to his storage unit of which he had a T-Rex jammed in side. Once we got into the corridors we discovered that they too were indeed very scary and dark. We laughed how it would be a perfect scene for a horror and that we could really imagine the running zombie's staggering towards us. This was followed by a tense silence dusted with gut wrenching fear. My Tall friend may be Tall, but he shits himself just as much as I do; not a good crime fighting team. We made several trips back and forth and I lugged all the heavy boxes up the stairs whilst he stroked the walls of his house reminiscing house parties from years gone by and telling me about the old wall paper... The things we do for friends.
  • Tuesday - Introduced Wifey to an ancient tradition from my home town. Shrovetide time again! I love it. So much fun and the atmosphere is awesome. We arrived a little late as I was playing badminton badly with my Tall friend, so we missed the ball being thrown up; we arrived in time to see the town heaving with people. After this we mooched round the pubs before we settled in The Green Man with a sedimenty bottle of Doawnard's ale in our grasp. We then called round my old chums who came to find us. We spent the rest of the day slinking from pub to pub, bumping into folk, eating an amazing burger and shaking my head at Wifey for wearing silly shoes to such a messy event. She will be prepared for next year! We shall be there with knobs on. The Downard's won! Hurrah! (patriotic tastic)
  • Wednesday - Dinner for an old friend. Haven't seen this friend for ages so I cooked us a nice steak dinner and had some nice wine with her. I shall hopefully see her again next week. It's nice to catch up with old friends who know everything about you; you don't have to hold anything back! even your gas; no wait, I don't hold that back for anyone.
  • Thursday - Made my mad Mother laugh, ooh and got another job! I went to town early to have another interview at the art gallery/ photo studio and got the job. Even better that I get to use the studio for my art when I want and can get a good deal for my Tall friend when he does his photo shoots (naked men and biscuits are his prime target) I am very chuffed with this, a little light at the end of my tunnel made from bills and endless tins of chopped tomatos. I then met my Mum who was with my eldest sister and brilliant little niece. We went to The Mallard for dinner whilst my Mother nipped to the hospital. Was very much fun and we all ate the biggest ice cream in the world and I read a book to my niece about farts and poos which is fantastic for both a 4 year old... and also for me. My Mother is still struggling but thanked me for always making her laugh til she cried, it does help that some times she's is hilarious just to observe; I often just repeat what she had just done. My lovely Ma, I love she from the heart of my bottom.
The Moon and the Shrovetide bunting for y'all x

Sunday, 14 February 2010

Day Seventy Four - Happy Walentine's Day!

What a lovely day! Good deeds for Wifey left right and centre. There were good deeds done for me to but I think that to be karma for my good deeds (at least that's what I'm going for). Up early to finish off Wifey's presents and make myself look presentable; eager for the day ahead where aquarium's and row boats and Ponyo (oh my) were promised.

Wifey arrived with 12 red roses and I grabbed my bag of goods and we tooted off with Classic FM blaring out. I took her to meet my scary butcher which she was very excited about and had to ask him a question about all his knives and saws. He hacked off a chunk cow from the still Mooing beast and ripped the chest of a chicken for our Walentine's meal that evening (Fajita's!) We then nipped to hers to throw everything in the fridge and put the bubbley on to cool for later. We also discovered that as our visit was so fleeting Russell had thought he had imagined us.

Off we went to Matlock. Much to my joy Peter and the Wolf came on the radio so we joined in; we really are 57 year old women trapped in the body of fine women in their late twenties. We went to the aquarium which is approximately the size of my living room. A large fish fell in love with me. We then went to the Holographic museum and scared the sweet shite out of ourselves - perfect setting for a horror film and I had nightmares about it last night. We then mooched around some shops then ate some badass fish and jibs before heading homeward bound.

We then went to see Ponyo at the cinema which I frigging loved before going back to Wifey's and letting Lobster cook for us then we watched 'REC' and I lept about with fear before heading homo. Ahhhh Happy Walentines to us!  And a regular boring old normal Valentines to the rest of you other bastards xxx

Some chap from the Matlock aquarium for you to look at...

Friday, 12 February 2010

Day Seventy Three - Made dinner for a friend

Lovely day today, but slightly shat upon by the VERY annoying woman I have to do a project with in Study Skills for the next 8 WEEKS. I am usually a very patient and calm person but she makes me want to pull of my skin, douse it in salt and lemon and squeeze it back on again. The worst part is she's thirty bastard seven and she acts like a teenager. Well she flips between that and talking constantly about utter bollocks. Today she spoke for roughly 48 minutes about a polyp they found on her cervix that then had to be scraped out... I was eating my sandwiches at the time. DELIGHTFUL.

Rant over, apologies people. I scrunted through town and bumped into my tall friend; which was handy as I could get a lift homo. I bought a nice bottle of wine and prepared a rather nice meal for a friend who i've not seen for a while. She phoned and cancelled after a bad day at work. She works on a psych ward and one of the patients tried to kill her, a valid excuse I felt. So I attempted the good deed but she could not make it. Thought was there though and the food tasted smashing! Early night for me tonight. It's Walentine's tomorrow (Valentine's with Wifey) so need sleep so we can scamper around together like twats

Have some old boys feeding the pigeons in Londinium last September. I miss the big smoke :(

Thursday, 11 February 2010

Day Seventy Two - Stripped a man of his super power

Cold today. I unattractively ice skated along the pavement all the way to Unitard with my teeth chattering. English today and fortunately I did not have to deal the shitty effort of a woman as we were split into groups for debate. We had to do lots of research; which I really enjoyed. We all scattered around the library eagerly and almost instantly rejoined one another not entirely sure what we were looking for in the first place. After much brain storming Daudi offered to print out all the copies for us with a mischievous look in his eye. He stated that for some reason he could always get free prints where everyone else had to pay and he had no idea why then laughed heartily at his ability to fight the system. At this point my good deed was done, but it sadly crushed his dreams. I pointed out that we all got a certain amount of free prints at the start of every term. I didn't want him to run out. He was disappointed that he no longer had a magical power but fortunately laughed heartily about it.

I suppose some good deeds are done for peoples own good. I just hope I don't have to strip someone of their magical abilities again. Far too mentally exhausting.

Dirty Derby bus stop is the subject in today's photo...

Day Seventy One - Bought a drink for a youth

A small one today Children. After a busy day at Unitard shouting about Renfield in Literature and weeping softly through Maths. I mooched down to the Atrium with the boys from Maths and brought one of them a can of Rubicon (which I then decided was an ideal name for a 1980's robot) as he had no money and was thirsty. We all know how I feel about teenagers; but I don't mind these chaps.

Went to Wifey's and watched Coroline (scary as all bastard shite) made childish videos and I wrote rude dorbings in the snow on her car.... he he he

Tuesday, 9 February 2010

Day Seventy - Cheering up a friend

What a glorious day it is today! Woke up with Disney-esq music in my head and the sunshine blaring through the window onto my lovely clean sheets and the glistening, blinking eyes of the cats. After a brief shower I drank a bucket of tea before Professor Wheeto arrived to attach the doors. I scrunted about upstairs cleaning the mould from the bedroom and bathroom and bleaching everywhere before starting on the windows which lead to an accidental dance routine betwixt the cats and myself as I was swinging across the bay windows and they were leaping to follow the cloth all in time with the music. Christ I appear to vomit musicals without even trying.

I dressed for badminton (duck outfit, stiletos and bonnet) and slunk out the door to be greeted by my Tall friend jammed into his car grinning at me from behind his fingers daintily placed in the V sign; such a sweet heart. Headed of to Shafty for some hearty exercise and joined as a member after the girl behind the counter spent along time explaining not a lot, although she evidently felt it necessary to do so. Thrashed around in the court with me tripping over my tits and being laughed at by my Tall friend as he trying to teach me back hand resulting in what only can be described as some kind of obscure seizure. Apparently we'll get there in a few months. I sense I shall not meet my next boyfriend whilst in sports mode.

Came home after Tall friend had offered to help wire the dvd player in properly but after being greeting by a rather monsterous fresh poo he regretfully declined, pursued all the cats around the house, wrestled with Tom Tom, threw a cup of tea over himself then left whilst laughing that I then had to clean up poo... which I then begrudgingly did. Then I showered and settled down to essay writing.

My good deed is to cheer up Bean. I've not seen her properly for ages and she messaged me a few days ago saying she needed some laughter and therefore wanted to see me; we've both been so busy so we've made space today. It is lovely to think that people contact me for laughter. Better then being phoned to complain about something or purely to masterbate over without one's knowledge. ( I am sure this does happen; as far as I know it has not yet happened to me. )

Today's photo is of the Terence....... Big Telly; Little Ears x

Monday, 8 February 2010

Day Sixty Nine - Oh shut up Bernard!

Whilst walking through town today I saw someone I had culled from my Facebook friends in my New Year clean up removing 60 people. She is a nice enough woman. I met her at a friends birthday party and we had a good laugh. I have vague memories of us catching her having sex with her boyfriend in the garden even though she was nearly 40! Heaven forbid! This wasn't why I had culled her; it was purely because we hadn't said a word to each other since my friends birthday party so no point in being friends on Facebook any more.

I realised that I was heading towards walking along side her, so I stepped a few paces back so she wouldn't see me. It's not that I didn't want to talk to her; I would have quite liked to, to be honest, I just didn't want to admit I had deleted her. pffft Facebook politics.

Small good deed for today. I decided to refrain from calling out the answers in Cultural studies. You see; at school I never listened, never did my home work and I certainly never new the answers to shout out in lessons. I love it at Uni; I work hard and I DO know the answers. But last week my lecturer in Cultural Studies asked me not to answer as everyone else is just learning from me. So today I didn't speak UNLESS no one had the answers. I discovered that me not talking made the chap I really don't like as he always has his massively fake tanned arms elbow deep in his balls,  answer all the questions wrong with really ludicrous answers. "Why would you say this building is classed as post-modernistic?"  "because it's green? made by a man? got windows? is in a city? have you seen my t-shirt? is that a blackbird? are these desks the same as the one's in the next room?".

I shall try and shut up more often in Cultural Studies. I'll continue to be noisy in my other Lectures as apparently it causes amusement. It would appear my chuntering of bollocks is highly appreciated all over the place. Now if only I could get paid for it.

Due to the latest snow warnings I though I'd put a photo of the snow last month. For some reason these kids wouldn't sledge until we had gone. There must have been something about us.

Day Sixty Eight - Given a tiny telly to a stranger

After the arrival of Terence I informed all the eager Freecycler's that there was a small square telly available. I was oddly inundated with requests, but chose the first person. Who came round and was a little shocked that he'd then have to carry it home; not entirely sure what he thought would happen. He perched on my little wall at my front driveway for about 30 minutes craddling the television looking somewhat confused. Eventually a taxi appeared and swept him up.

People are strange. I have been noticing this more and more of late. When I am sat in a cafe or on the bus I watch people. It's a hobby I suppose. I study them; they are so fascinating. I do often wonder, with a lot of them, how they don't walk into things more.

Photo is of this little lighthouse near a reservoir my Tall friend and I mooched round last summer.

Sunday, 7 February 2010

Day Sixty Seven - Removed the imposition of a massive telly from a friend

Due to the absence of Jason, and the constant supply of fresh urine and shite, I have been able to pin point where the worst smells have been coming from rather then a complete aroma of cat colon. So after showering I stalked about the place sniffing my full lung capacity in every room then pounced on the particularly potent areas.

I then clear the front room in preparation for the new telly which Lobster was kindly loaning me. I ran around bleaching everywhere and polishing before my Tall friend appeared to take me to get pick up the telly. We arrived at Wifey & Lobster's house and shared a cup of tea with the Wife then heaving the enormous telly into the back of Bo (my Tall friend's car). Although this may appear to be something good to me I am going to see it as something good for them as the telly is very big and had been sat right in their way in their dining room. So if you think about it... I am really do them a favour.

We drove back to mine and heaved it into the house. My Tall friend had to dash off so I was left to my own devices to set up all 100 wires and buttons. After much swearing, straining and sweating I had everything all connected up. It wouldn't turn on. So I swapped over plugs and batteries and contacted every man I knew with the hope that they could help me (oddly all of their first questions were "have you plugged it in?" pppft) I still couldn't get it to turn on. After some more swearing an a few minutes of light weeping I decided to go to Sainsbugs, do a food shop and give the telly some time to think about what it's done.

When I returned no amount of sneaking up on it or pleading with it would help. There it sat; all 42" inches of it-mocking me. I started to chat to my friend (the one I quit cheese for) and she offered the power of her husband. They both very kindly drove straight over. He wrestled with the telly and scratched his head and we fawned over her baby bump, of whom I have named 'Brutas', in the kitchen. We went back into the front room and her husband was scratching his head. She turned to me and said, "Where's your old tell..... oh.... wa wa wah, boobie prize" at which point she jumped up and demaned her husband fix it. He went on the internet and picked up the manual from somewhere (god know's where i'd spent an hour looking for it and hadn't found it) then discovered this magic hidden on switch. I screamed with utter joy! Then was laughed at by my friend as I have exactly the same programs saved on my sky plus as her mother. I like history documentaries what can I say?

They left and I settled down to a glass of wine and a mooohassive telly. It was frigging cracking! Now all I need to do is figure out how to play Wii on it and DVD's. One thing at a time... or wait for a bloke to do it.

Photo today; a dead pigeon in town. I thought it looked really beautiful the way it was lying. It's a little out of focus as when I lent to photograph it a few people commented that I was several things; non of them rosy.

Saturday, 6 February 2010

Day Sixty One, Two, Three, Four, Five and Six all bunched up and brief; like my pants

Very busy week this week so am going to give it to you in bullet points...

  • Sunday - Let someone go in front of me in the queue at Sainsbugs. Gave the neighbours another concert (have definitely decided that they must love my singing as still no complaints and the concerts are getting much more hearty)
  • Monday - Let the people get off the Uni bus. Every day the people at the back all barge off blocking the people on the front rows which drives me up the wall. I find it so rude. So I was sat in the middle of the bus; I barged up, then stopped and let everyone in front get off first. The people behind were not happy, but the people in front were. You can't make everyone's day.
  • Tuesday - Encouraged my Tall friend to exercise by dragging him to play badminton with me. This also gives him the pleasure of watching me thrashing about like I was going through some kind of electro shop therapy in, basically, my pyjamas. Also introducing Wifey to 'Finding Neverland'. She cooked, we both drank wine. We watched films. We got very drunk. We clung to each other and wept at the films. I left hers at 3am knowing full well I had to go to Uni the following morning but wanting to stay and continue.
  • Wednesday - After entertaining my Literature class by apparently bringing some form of sexual interjection into every discussion. I genuinely tried to find my Maths class. I failed and feeling rather disgruntled I went to town. Fortunately Lettuce and Pinty were there with a couple of the other library sluts, so we met for the briefest of drinks before they all scattered and Lettuce and I ate food and made animalistic noises and laughed at the anal beads in Ann Summers. Lettuce waited with me for my bus to The Shire in the rain; bless her vegan socks. Looked after Geoff and cleaned the house for Maman. I was not well so went straight to bed after the carer's came and deposited Geoff into his bed.
  • Thursday - Got up and made Geoff's breakfast and lunch so Maman could have a lie in. off to Unitard where I crossed everything to not be picked to work in a debate group with the highly irritating women who use their kids as an excuse for everything and got my wish (am hoping this is Karma) also got in the groups with my favourite people in the class-boooyar! Met Bear from Unitard. We walked to mine and I cooked her a rather spiffing dinner and we drank merrily and watched a film I didn't care much for.
  • Friday - Walked into town with Brown Bunny; a new exercise kick we have started. I have to say I like it as I do miss her and this way ensures we get to see each other all the time - brilliant. Study skills in the morning. It seems that every subject is making us do some kind of debatey talky thing. I have been put in another group of four. One of the girls is really passionate and up for working hard; the other two can't be bothered and also like to refuse to do anything. Was a stress, but was ok. I mooched home calling into the photo studio to check prices then went home. Wifey is still a bit poorly and has had to be alone and poorly for a few days and Lobster has had to work so I went to Wifey's to keep her company and do the washing up. When you live with boys and you are the only girl, as she does, you discover that boys are messy. Poor Wifey was so poorly and boys don't often think do clean to make her feel better. I think it's a boy thing. We watched Pride & Prejudice and both gripped each other and wailed in mid coital screams at Mr Darcy. Wifey drove me homo and we got a bit lost after we had made an adventurous attempt.
Shall try to keep on top of this, this week. Have been busy de-cat weeing the house and being ill so sleeping.  Due to the sporadic layout of this blog I decided to add a totally random photo... This is a bee, on a pineapple. floating in my paddling pool last summer.

Sunday, 31 January 2010

Day Fifty Eight and Nine - Successful surprise gift for Lettuce

Apologies for another twosie, I seem to have run behind being a right old busy bastard. I woke on Friday morning after just 3 hours sleep feeling the most refreshed and cheerful then I had done in years; so I decided to embrace this mood and left 30 minutes early for Unitard trotting merrily and swinging my hips to the music on my i pood. Unitard was the usual, then I scrunted homo picking up a few bits for Lettuce's birthday present. I then sat up until the early hours sewing and swearing until I finally gave into the cloud of exhaustion which was creeping in...

Woke up Saturday morning feeling the complete opposite of the previous morning. I staggered to the shop with greasy bed head and pillow marks on my face to the corner shop to purchase some cat food as I had forgotten the night before then shlomped home and took great care not to drown in my giant cup of tea. I decided to do a monster clean, un earthed some elderly poo's from behind the telly (not entirely sure why behind the telly is such a poo hot spot, it's so awkward - I've tried) I then washed myself so that my hair would look all fruity for Lettuce. I then mooched over to Sainsbugs for a food shop and to buy cake ingredients. I swanned back home and started to do cake making, then realised I had missed the main ingredient and the local shop (nor any of my neighbours-pah) so made a rather sheepish call to Lettuce to let her know the cake prep would have to happen at hers. I then continued to finish her present.

My Tall friend picked me up and we sped across to his. Lettuce and I threw vegan cake mix around the kitchen for a while and I gave her the gift. Fortunately she loved it, so it was a success! Huzzah, good deed well done. We continued to party like it was 1949 til the very early hours of the morning and then I spent the night with Minky. T'was grand! Happy birthday Lettuce!

Today's photo is of the toilet monitor at Lettuce's house, he's an anti-bacterial bad ass!

Friday, 29 January 2010

Day Fifty Seven - A good deed for all, including me

Today's good deed what supporting my friend in his acting career. He played the lead roll in a really good play. We all went to support; Lettuce, her Tall brother and Wifey. Very funny. So it was a good deed for us all as we all had so much fun, but Peeler did appreciate us being there and even signed our tickets... He wrote the word "Twat" on them first, but I'm sure I could still get a couple of quid for it on e-bay one day...

We all went off into the night drinking (with a brief interlude of Lettuce and I staggering around the Westside in a state of panic as it was empty and lost. We decided that it was a 'Dawn of the Dead' scenario so pretended to be zombie's to insure our safe journey to the Friary. Fortunately we made it there safely then jumped off the high board into a jug of Jager bomb. We had about 20 minutes of laps in there before the rest of them rolled in. Much hilarity and japes continued into the the night and through to the early hours... The clock struck twelve and that meant it was officially Lettuce's birthday! Huzzah! After more intelligent and gripping conversations about 'Cranking' and Wifey and I singing songs from 'The Little Mermaid' and many, many flattering photos we all got turfed out by the door men. I think door men hate people who are hovering round the 30 mark getting pissed and stupid as we appear worse then the teens.

After we left my Tall friend and Peeler rolled around on the floor together for a while and to be honest, no one really knew why. We then shared a shamxi home. T'was a grand night, I do feel very smug about my friends at the moment.

Today's photo is Agnelli, she spent a summer sat on the roof of my shed until is was dark.

Wednesday, 27 January 2010

Day Fifty Six - Helping my wonderful, be it completely barmy, Mother

Bad nights sleep. So cold I had to curl into a ball under the covers and fall asleep with the electric blanket on, which I NEVER do after two of my good friends put the shits right up me about burning to a crisp in my sleep. Took me ages and when I woke, I was lying on my back and Tom Tom was lying on my chest nose to nose with me.

It was one of those mornings where you catch your arm on everything and trip on nothing. I got into Unitard and ran around the Atrium desperately looking for someone in my Literature class so I could find the room change. I did find it and sat on my own reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and listening to Yann Teirsen. The room it's self was about 5 times the size of our actual class so we were all dotted about like a sneeze. It was much fun as always with Mo flitting about and us all snorting with laughter at all the possible sexual innuendos in Dracula.

I was very good after, I spoke to my lecturers about any problems I was having and how I could snort them then went to my first therapy session to help me pound the remnants of ex partners out of my burley physique. Seems good, I'll be as good as new in no time. With some strapping gent as my bo, sweeeet. Spent the next few hours in the Unitard library resuming my sneaky pose in the corner and more reading before my wonderful Mother called to say she was outside to pick me up.

I retreated outside to see Mum shouting out the window in her very posh accent to the security guard "MY DAUGHTER GOES HERE YOU SEE? WHERE MAY I WAIT?" I climbed into the front seat of their new wheel chair friendly vehicle with Geoff tethered to the back, 'Earwig' they have named him. I gave Geoff some crisps as since his accident he eats like a hamster, but a combination of Mum's whoopy swirvy driving and Geoff's brain damage made the back of Earwig a thrashy cloud of Roysters.

The changes to the house are amazing! all the doors are widened (which is adventageous to me for after large pie consumtion) and the front garden is all posh with the new ramp and flower beds and sacrificial platform as Mum calls it, and Geoff finally has a posh bathroom with shower! So there was a long period of echoy "OOooooooOoooOhhh" in the new bathroom before we all had a communal bath in a cup of tea.

I did some cleaning and cooking for Mum and sorted through all the stuff for free cycle and just did all the little jobs and looked after Geoff so that Mum could just float about and do her school marking without stress. We ate and Mum went to choir. Then the carers came and tumbled Geoff into bed and I have been dicking about in his posh recliner chair for about 30 minutes before I clean the kitchen for Mum's return. I really hope I can come here more, I wish I could help Momma out more, but she did say tonight that my being here helps so much just as she can get stuff done without being disturbed, so that made me feel a little bit better, only a little though.

Photo today is Geoff in 2005 on holiday in our house in France and yet still working. He never had a break from work and Mum always used to say his work would kill him, it didn't kill him, it just gave him brain damage.

Day Fifty four & Five - Gave a gift to a friend and gave blood to a stranger

Combining these to as I was too tired to type by the time I got homo on Monday night so thought I throw it in with Tuesdays.

Monday was all day at Unitard, starting with Cultural Studies in the morning, where we watched snippets of 'The Shining' and I realised that my rucsck had been sprayed on by a stray cat so apologised profusely for the rather pungent room deoduriser I was carrying around with me. I then had 3 hours before psychology where I lurked in the Library revising like a crazy bastard for my in class test. I got to the test and remembered.... NOTHING. I know what things meant and could explain them with graphic detail, I just couldn't actually remember the names of the things. This was hugely frustrating as I never seem to ave the ability to remember words and it drives me up the wall.

I finished early and hopped on the Unitard bus to see Lettuce. We embraced warmly (as it was very cold) and I presented her with a home made key ring. My good deed, if that's what you can call it, was a gift to Lettuce. She did say she liked it as it spruced up her keys which we looking a little on the boring side. We decided to go back to her as it would save her tall brother from having to get me for photo club. So we went on an exciting bus ride to theirs.

Lettuce made me a rather delish vegan sups and I grew increasingly sleepy. As my desire for sleep grew the time to go loomed and my Tall friend dragged me by my hair and threw me in the back of the car and off we headed to photo club.

We haven't been for ages and it was a competition night between different clubs. I was getting sleepy and my Tall friend was being hoity about me being wriggly. He dropped me home and slid up the stairs and under the covers, followed by all the cats who joined me there in unison. zzzz

Tuesday I woke by the sound of Mittens making a very curious noise. It turned out Eyebrows had come round and Mittens had sensed this so was letting off some kind of warning siren. I then discovered that both my electric and my gas had gone so I slunk off to town with my bag full of gubbins, including Atticus as I decided I would steal both the Wifi and electricity from Quad.

I found a corner to lurk in Quad, emptied my bag onto the table and 'worked'. I do find it hard to concentrate on anything when in cafe's as I love to watch people. Everyone facinates me so much. Like the beardy man who refused to move from the seat with the only plug socket even though he wasn't eating or drinking anything, or the old woman with learning disabilities squealing with utter joy when her friend poured her tea from the tiny tea pot, or the man offering his friends some home made biscuits with a look of evil genius spread across his face. All these things are much more exciting the anything else. I would love to be a people watcher and documenter, I could take photos and report it all. Or is that just stalking? either way, i'd love to have it as a job please.

After Atticus ran of battery and the beardy gent refused to move I had to see what else I had in my bag of tricks... There was all snorts so I settled down and bummed about until I had to go and give blood. I did the usual of filling out the forms, then getting questioned about the questions on the forms (have you knowingly had sex with someone who has aids? do you have malaria? are you sure that's not a syphallitic boil on your face? etc) After this I launched into a hoarty debate about why gay men can't donate blood whilst I ate the only Ritz biscuit there was. So my good deed was donating blood to someone for the 5th time I think, and standing up for gay men's rights to give blood (amen) apparently lesbians have the best blood so come on gay ladies - roll up your sleeves!

I then went back to Quode, skuttled about with Wifey for a bit before Lettuce arrived. We were not sure where to go after so decided to just walk. It turned out that we were meant to walk to the Friary. We got VERY excited about the new decor there and fluffed around outside drinking lager then the inevitable jager bomb raised it's glorious head. I then went home and froze to death in my bed.

The contents of my bag, excluding Atticus and the occasional emergency tampon.

Sunday, 24 January 2010

Day Fifty Three - A good deed for me.

Woke early this morning bright and cheery. Had some breakfast, put on my coat; and abseiled down the inside wall of my freezer. I was more then completely certain there was some food in there. After about 30 minutes of hacking about with a pick axe I un-earthed an entire raw duck (???!!) something very suspect in a tupperware I thought I'd lost and a bag of ice that Lettuce and I bought on a drunken trip to Sainsbugs... mmm slim pickings. I climbed back up the inside of the freezer and burst out onto the kitchen floor. As I lay there panting and snapping the icicles off my nostrils I decided that I need to up my game a little in life. I was bounding towards 30 on a space hopper and I cannot afford a proper food shop. I decided that today I would do a good deed for me.

So first of all I had some tea and toast and tugged on my beard until some ideas popped out of something I had not done for a while. I decided some mindless 'Stumbling' would be a good idea, just as I did my good friend Bean popped on line after her trip over seas, so I had a nice chat to her, has felt like she's been gone for months as we usually talk everyday, was nice to have her back. I decided to cook myself a cheese free pizza which was actually really nice. My eyes bigger then my massive tummy, felt a little sorry for myself after. The decided to embark upon some of my arty farty projects I 'started' years ago. Did some sketches of naked ladies, something I always enjoyed and oddly something I was good at. Then I got one of the old wooden chairs I had stored into the back garden and went at it with the blow torch. Art is fun. I need to do loads more to it, but couldn't find my electric sander (Chuck) and will need that before I can continue it. I did burn a couple of other things, it's fun being a partial pyromaniac.

Then decided to do a proper clean of the front room, which I also love doing and then I rolled around taking some ninja style photos... Well, I say ninja... I clambered down to floor level to take some shots then spent several minutes with my bottom in the air wheezing and trying to stand again. I cannot fathom why I am still single. I am going to have a nice bath snortly and read before a hearty dance round the kitchen and then some more drawing and painting. What a jolly day. And I hope that you to had a jolly Sunday-day x

Ooh dear, my neighbours have started listening to what sounds like hard house. I fear that there come back for my belting out concerts daily is being retaliated with banging tunes. In fairness it is only 16:55, lets see what noises they make late this evening. 

Today's photo is the charred edges of my chair. It starts....

Day Fifty Two - Planned a surprise for my friend

I woke today at 11:30! I have not slept in like that for years, I would have slept longer but it was not my house. I slunk out of bed, catching a glimpse of my self in Lettuce's bedroom mirror; I am one of those lucky people who, no matter how little sleep i've had, always looks like a mugging victim in the morning. I found my tall friend reading in his room shaking his head at me for being a lazy bastard. I tumbled down the stair and embraced Minky in the kitchen and then dipped my toes into a large cup of tea before my Tall friend drove me home.

After I was forced out of his moving car opened my front door to all the cats all very excited to see me, and even more excited at the prospect of not having to share their food anymore. They actually seemed to like being locked in, so that's a massive bonus. After wasting 2 hours drinking cups of tea and 'Stumbling' round the internet (a new very addictive webshite I was introduced to) I forced myself out the door to nip to Sainsbugs to buy a very meager  food shop. I managed to get in several peoples ways as I was prancing about the place listening to my i-pod pretending I was in some shit musical using my trolley as a prop. I think I should save this musical dramtizations for when the supermarkets are slightly less busy.

Felt decidedly more cheery then I had in ages, possibly due to the epic slumber, so skuttled about the house being twattish and singing in a hugely operatic fashion. I did notice that I heard my neighbours cough, which means they must hear EVERYTHING I do. I have deduced that they either love my daily concerts (ranging from hard rock to Disney with the occasional opera thrown in for good measure, and even the occasional advert) or their seething hatred for me is building in their bellies which will conclude in some kind of horrific tortured death. I hope they pre-warn me if it is the latter.

My good deed, which can't really be classed as a good deed, is to try and arrange a surprise for a good friend, I cannot say what it is, but I hope it works out as they'll love it. I really hope it'll work.

I managed to spend the rest of the day 'stumbling' around the internet again, then I concluded my evening by watching Slum dog millionaire for the first time. It really is brilliant. It does have to be said though, has the most irrelevant dance at the end - Pour quoi?

Today's photo is of Nelson, I shall stop having cat photos up here, I promise. I just thought she looked so cute and coy in the sunlight.

Saturday, 23 January 2010

Day Fifty One - Fare well to Jason your abilty to shite your body weight twice a day shall forever be admired

Had a hearty Disney concert in the shower with an Indian accent interlude for Pocahontas's 'Just around the river bend', I like to keep my neighbours on their toes.  I fed the cats and let Jason eat in the kitchen with the others for the last time, his food snarling seems to have ceased which is good as it'll make him better with other cats. Wifey arrived and we cuddled him and poured him into Minky's cat carrier, he made a very disgruntled grumble as he mooched in. Off we set Nottingham bound, it was a long journey but he was very calm and inquisitive and NO POO! The Cat's Protection building was a lovely old house and there was a very cute three legged black cat with cataracts who greeted us and another black and white cat who chewed on my pen as I filled out the forms. He seemed a bit scared but upon hearing he had an electric blanket and a massive bowl of food cheered up. Wifey and I used all our strength not to bring home all the little blue eyed kittens. Wifey took me to lunch at Bluebell Farm to cheer me up and we got to try all the homemade ice cream made from their cow's cow juice. We did plan to sneak under the sneeze guard when the woman's back was turned but she cottoned on to our plan.

My first good deed, was to donate Jason so that some lonely person somewhere can enjoy his little fluffy heart and irritable bowels.

Wifey and I splashed through the epic rainfall in town and went to one of my favourite shops in town called 'Boo' which sells only fair trade and queer gubbins, I picked up my 8 mile vintage scarf that was being held for me. I love it, wrapped round me 5 times and both ends still drag along the floor, I look like a cartoon character. Wifey purchased a poorly jumper and looked radiant in it. We went for a single beer at the Friary and wished we could spend the whole day there drinking and inadvertently staring at the Hobbit barman's ludicrously large cock from within his slacks. We parted weeping loudly and shouting our anger at not being able to spend all our time together. I got the bus and she skuttled off to Lobster's birthday party.

I got home and swooshed around before my Tall friend arrived a little earlier then I had thought to pick me up, so leapt into his car and sped forth to his. Second good deed was cooking my Tall friend and his lovely mother a steak dinner. Attempted to watch a couple of films but got blocked by the wrong language or by the fact it was massively shite. We ended up watching a good ghosty problem un till Minky got in a brawl and hurt her leg. Spent the evening staggering around the house getting lots of sympathy. Poor old Minky.

Slept better then I had in ages in Lettuce's beautiful pod. She is in Londinium, I had planned to leave her a treat but didn't get it finished in time, it's finished now though... he he he

Bye bye little Jason xxx

Thursday, 21 January 2010

Day Fifty - Halfway through... Not feeling like any have been good enough yet

Halfway through eh? Shall be odd not doing this anymore and I fear I shall irritate my friends by talking more bollocks then usual as I shall no longer have a healthy output on here. I am sensing this stopping shall be detrimental to us all. I also can't believe how quickly 50 days goes by. I sign of getting older I fear. When all of a sudden it's June - you fart and it's Christmas. I remember asking how long it would be til my 6th birthday and my mum replied "Twelve weeks" and me being utterly mortified. Those Twelve weeks took FOREVER. Now I get a letter saying "you have twelve weeks to pay this fine" and I think "Fuck! where the bollocky shite am I going to get the money for that from in twelve weeks!" aaaah to be six and perpetually on the birthday/ Christmas present count down.

I went to bed at 19:00 last night, it was brilliant. Around 2am the cat attacks started and continued til about 5am. I got up at 8am after hitting the snooze button 47 times. Shlomped around the house scratching my arse through my hippo pyjama's and being utterly bemused as to why everything was out of focus until after about 23 minutes of me holding all the tins up to my nose until I found the cat food I realised I hadn't put my glasses on.  I noticed that Crasher didn't come down for dinner and was still asleep, usually she's quacking away whilst i'm sat on the toilet and brushing my teeth. Not today so decided to poke about her person to see if I could see any jutting bones or open wounds. She looked very pissed off and went straight back to sleep so decided I'd keep an eye on her for the next day or two.

Showered, flattened my hair, put my i-pod onto something sleepy and slinked out the door. Decided that I would get the Uni bus when I got to town as I needed to fetch some loot from the only cash machine that lets you draw out fivers (gold dust) and the bus stop was right there so I perched there waiting for the bus and reading Dracula. I kept on getting distracted silly hair cuts and one old man on a mobility cart doing drive by barkings, as a result I read the same paragraph several times.

English was my first lecture, I do like English. Aside from the utter twat who sits in front of me being wrongfully smug about everything and insisting on voicing her poorly thought out jokes, it's all good. We had a PGCE student so the lovely Mo just flitted about at the back of the class banging into the window before settling on her perch and having a well deserved preen. I sad with the boys, as I always do, and squirted water at Liam every time he looked like he was about to seethe to boiling point. My good deed for today, helping Liam under stand war poetry and Onomatopoeia, (incidentally one of my favourite things) He got there eventually and then was very dismayed at not wearing his batman pants. English to him is Maths to me, I am helping him next week with his essay he's had to re-submit. He's going to help me with my Maths. We then had a rather heated debate about which subject was more pointless.

Walked into town to buy a new cat flap and met my Tall friend so we could buy tickets to see our actor friend in Romeo & Juliette next week. We got seats as close to the front as possible so we could all wear large wigs and jumpers with immature dorbings on them. He kindly drove me home and I threw a vase at his face then went in and attached the new cat flap in a manly fashion. No strays tonight - oooh no!

Brown Bunny came to visit, which is always a pleasure and I don't see her enough. We did the usual of drinking tea and getting tangled into the You Tube cycle. Grand. We set a date for some gentle boozing where in she gets to meet my very dear friends. They'll all love each other, just the right amount though - no one wants some kind of group Mongolian cluster fuck going off in the beer garden at the Friary - No one.

Crasher came down to eat. And has gone back upstairs in a grumbly way. I'll bury my face into her downy fluff later, i'm sure she'll love that. All my friends do. Jason goes tomorrow, his last night here, shall miss his oddly large balls and epic shites.

Today's photos I took at the Innocent festival in Londinium in 2008. This little girls mum was swinging her back and forth and not once did she take her eyes of her big brothers ice cream.

Wednesday, 20 January 2010

Day Fourty Nine - No sleep

It was a strange good deed which occurred in the early hours of this morning after my hope of an early night had be twatted right in the face. I got a message pop up on Face book from a friend I have known for about 11 years. He appeared a little off, and was talking about how he wished that when we had first met he had chosen a different path to the one he was on now. After some gentle talking down of a ledge he came to the terms that he was happy, but felt he had lost his identity since life had rushed by so fast.

It's not good that so many people are feeling so depressed these days. It's this gloopy weather I fear. Had a very, VERY bad nights sleep and a bit of a wank day. So I shall go now and leave you with a shot of the Red Sea which I took just before I leapt into it for a dive.... ooooh wish I were there now. Bet I'd get some bastard sleep there!

Tuesday, 19 January 2010

Day Fourty Eight - Donating a door

Cold nearly gone now so I am feeling much less of a snotty grot box, probably still looking massively disheveled though I imagine. Bounded out of bed, stripped the sheets and fluttered around the house like Cinderella. Had a bath with my new swanky bath oil, Tom Tom randomly leapt onto my breasticles scratching the shite out of them and resulting in him getting covered bath oil... spent the rest of the day looking like an extra from Westside Story. Me looking like I got mauled by an Ocelot.

My first good deed, although somewhat feeble, was to donate a door to my neighbour. Not for putting in a room in the house, but for chopping up for fire wood. The lady of the house is a big fan of Tom Tom, he meets her from work everyday so he popped round with me. She wasn't very well but was cheered up from our visit and commented on Tom Tom's new slick look. He was rolling around and being very cute, waving to her in my arms and looking like a handsome gent.... as soon as we got round the corner he took a swift bite out of my arm. He's all for show that cat.

Eyebrow's popped round to with his dirty clothes so my second good deed was doing his washing for him. My deeds have been pretty shit today people, so I do apologise. Am going to leap into bed for an early night now, up early to hike to Unitard... nothing like the dew dusted prostitutes stumbling about the streets to make your morning walk all that fresher.

Today's photo is of the rather beautiful Tom Tom. Accidental cat theme going on here.

Day Fourty Seven - Continuing to help the hairy fiend

Hairy friend came round on Sunday evening and I stood and listened and advised him for a couple of hours. A completely broken man, I did try and feed him as he hadn't eaten or slept for a few days, but he gratefully declined. So rammed him full of sugary tea and as many wise words as I could offer. He left around midnight and I pootled off to bed. Was woken at 6am the following morning with a really upsetting message from him. I went to text him back but woke 4 hours later with the phone still in my hand... I was exhausted and still not well.

I walked into a Uni and back and continued to console my Hairy friend via the medium or instant message (and dance, although he could not appreciate the latter) He seemed a lot better and had finally bathed, as I pointed out that smelling bad was neither big, nor clever. He had also contemplated food and was able to make jokes, so I was glad that I helped.

Sorry the good deed has been the same for the passed few days. I am sure tomorrow it'll be something completely different!

Spent the rest of the evening having a cyber date with Wifey. We both had a bottle of wine and Skype on the go. T'was a lovely evening, we chatted for 5 hours and laughed hysterically. Later in the eventide Lobster joined in, sad he was a little disheartened as when he got in he could hear my dulcet tones echoing down the stairs and got all skippity and excited as he thought I was round. Sadly I was only there facially and audibly. Shall see them soon though, may scrant round there on Thursday en route back from Unitard.

Today's photo.... A large cup of tea in my giant "Ugly Dickhead" mug which my sister lovingly bought me many years ago for my 21st birthday. Sibling love certainly is an un-breakable seal.

Sunday, 17 January 2010

Day Fourty Four, Five and Six - No internet for three days. Therefor no blogging

Trip to Newcastle to stay with my wonderous sister. I rarely see her as she is a doctor in a hospital so is always massively busy. T'was fantastic to see her, I miss her so much and am so proud of her. Funniest person in the world.

This shall be very quick as my hairy friend has just text to say he doesn't think he can cope so I think he's going to come over here. My good deeds were helping Hairy friend, buying drinks, entertaining my sisters friends and holding the door open for some very rude georgies. No one says thank you, tsk tsk.

I leave you with a photo of my sisters cat Otis.

Thursday, 14 January 2010

Day Fourty Three - The Ultimate Agony Aunt

Really bad nights sleep last night. Woken repeatedly by stray cats trying to get in the house then just screaming like bastards about every 27 minutes. So although I went to bed early it was very disturbed. I over slept and had to get a taxi to Uni. Found some of the ladies from my English class huddled together like sheep in the Atrium, completely perplexed as to where our lecture was that morning, so I calmed them down and said I would find out for them. After 20 minutes (12 minutes of that spent going up and down in an apparently pissed elevator) I came running back to them, to tell them where it was to find they had gone. I raced up to the ninth floor to see them all sat there. First good deed, A/ not needed and B/ not appreciated.

Presentation went fine, they liked the advert.  Nice to see my old retired raver friend. Then skipped off homewards listening to i pod pretending to be in a film. Got home and noticed an e-mail from my hairy friend, looks like his girlfriend and him have broken up again and he was mortified. So I chatted to him via e-mail for a while as he was too upset to talk. I'll talk to him again after the weekend, he said I help and that he always appreciated that I was always there for him even if he hadn't contacted me for months. Which is usually the case, but it isn't something to bother me. So second good deed was definitely appreciated.

I did my homework, war poems, which I do love. Anything historical, especially the wars, I love. Listen to The Grave byDon Mclean whilst I did just to get in the ol' trenches mood. Halfway through that my friend contacted me, again online, for some advice on her relationship. She seemed to feel a lot better after a while. I think sometimes people need confirmation that their feelings are stupid or an over reaction. So third good deed done.

I continued to work when there was an enormous slamming sound on the big bay windows of my front room. Both myself and the cat's scattered. I ran upstairs to see if I could see anyone, but the well lit street was desserted. So I called my neighbour who very kindly agree'd to meet me outside to scope the area. Stood chatting to her for a while, she to is having stresses with her other half. I found myself very aware at how content I was to still be single. Almost everyone I spoke to, when I decided to leave Eyebrows this time last year, told me that after a couple of months I would feel very lonely and want a new man in my life... It's been a year, and I really am OK with being on my own. So a fourth good need, listening to a neighbour.

I am glad I did more good deeds today, and that three of them were good ones, as I missed out on a couple of days when I had bad days and selfishly didn't make time for someone else. I am going to bed now, it's Newcastle tomorrow. I cannot wait to spend time with my sisters!

I have no photo for today, but like to add photos as photos are my life. So here is Nelson out of focus.

Wednesday, 13 January 2010

Day Fourty two - Amusing the Wifey when I should be doing my English assignment

Not a huge deed today. It simply consisted of amusing Wifey on Skype and on the phone for roughly 5 hours in total today. In fairness it was far from self-less as in mainly consisted of hackity laughter as usual. We agree'd that it would be a lot better if we just had a live feed to each others houses so we can watch each other mooch about, but it would go all pixelated when we were on the toilet or in the shower, like The Sims. We'd get paid for this of course... *sigh* if only.

I am now planning out my presentation on Keynote (that's power point to you PC users - pah!) talking about an advertisement of my choice for 15 minutes. After hours of doing advert searches I decided upon this one as I can talk about it and get enough research for it. I also liked the style. My Tall friend informed that he thought it was boring, so I really hope I don't fail due to everyone being massively bored..


Tuesday, 12 January 2010

Day Fourt one - hiking in the rain or shlomp on the sofa watching films that make you scream?

Woke up bright and early feeling smug at my decision to purchase an electric blanket, and raring to go on the hearty walk in the Peaks. Fed the millions of cats that were spilling about of every available crevice then sauntered into the shower, feeling twice as smug upon the discovery that there was no cat poo anywhere in the house (apart from lurking in the odd feline colon) and had a bit of a musical medley whilst hosing down my scraggly locks.

I squeezed myself into several layers including my thermals, had a bit of a bogel round the kitchen to The Temper Trap as last years album is my divorce theme tune, and then started to prepare sarnies for my Tall friend and Lettuce so we could perch upon some rocky out crop and yam them down. At the same time I spent about 12 minutes on the phone to the hotline for giving blood trying to find a day for my next appointment as they were rather inconveniently only at uni the one day I wasn't there, and was only in town on the days I was at Uni. After going through my Do Do pad and the chaps computer screen we found a day, hurrah! So the first good deed for today, made an appointment to give blood, even though it makes me look like a crack whore after and they never have the savory biscuits. I do often wonder where all my blood goes. Maybe the person who gets it adapts some of my idiosyncrasies? Imagine waking up after surgery and suddenly naming all your house hold objects, or arguing with yourself in strong Scottish brogue or just simply having to listen music everyday. That wouldn't be so bad. So not only am I donating my blood, i'm also donating some of my qualities that i'm sure thousands find endearing....

Shortly after that I had a swift converse with my tall friend and deduced that due to the fact that the weather was looking rather glib and not ideal for taking photos and Lettuce was feeling jet lagged with a large dollop of snotty grot cold, that perhaps a day of watching films would be better. So we came to the conclusion that he would come and pick me up and I would provide the sandwiches. My second good deed of the day, feeding my friends.

T'was a delightful day. Got to see Lettuce after almost three weeks and I had missed her face hugely. Watched films with ghost rape and people scraping of their skin with a wire sponge and a rather delightful scene where a vegetarian is forced to the bring of starvation resulted in her eating a warm, week old maggot steak. This lead to me convulsing and screaming on the sofa in a very delicate fashion.

Am now comfy on my sofa watching my cluttered up sky plus listening to Mittens snore on the head rest of the sofa, about to fall face first into a vegan lasagne. Sweeeeeeeeeet.

Monday, 11 January 2010

Day Fourty - (missed a few as I couldn't get on here so am going to write one of the good deeds in there)

Feeling slightly stupid after stressing for days that I couldn't get onto my blog then discovered that I had repeatedly been trying to sign in using the wrong e-mail. Not entirely sure why as it was an e-mail address I never use anymore. Evidently the new year has replaced all my common sense with out of date corned beef sandwiches, thus proving - I am an idiot.

I shall make this one brief and continue my full burblings tomorrow. I shall put on of my little deeds from last week as it is accompanied by a rather beautiful photo (if I do say so myself) My tall friend and I decided to venture out into the snowy peaks for some photo opportunities for next years Christmas cards. It was stunning, just like when I was small, and after a few hours of gentle arguing about whether or not we were traipsing in the right direction, we deduced that we were not and had to head back.

On the way back I held a heavy gate open for two old ladies, they were thankful, so a little good deed. I also got to see the sun setting on the snow.. beautiful

After getting back to the car we realised that the view we wanted was in fact yards from the parked car. Oops. So returning back tomorrow, this time with the pleasure of a recently Americanized Lettuce. More sandwiches this time and less bragging about my Duke of Edinburgh map reading skills, I think they may have gone out of date.

Saturday, 2 January 2010

Day Thirty one & two........ searching for a good deed

I have done two days in one as I was only awake for about 4 hours on New Years Day and that was primarily filled with vomit and flailing about. So I fear, that officially. Yesterday I did nothing for another human. I did feed the cats and let all of them sleep with me in my giant comfy bed. Felt that because I was suffering in a very dramatic and horrific fashion, they could at least be lounging around on a comfy bed. That could be classed a good deed? a good deed for my feline friends - including the shit bubble, commonly known as Jason, so that's got to class as one.

I am going to walk to Sainsbugs' to hunt out a good deed (and a tiny radio) I shall find something, even if I cause it, I shall do one!     oooh, snow!